Introducing Little Liam

Here's a sneak peek at our upcoming little guy. Doesn't really look anything like Carter's ultrasound, its gonna be interesting to see what he looks like.

S.P.E.

So my school hosted an SPE (Society for Photographic Education) conference for the Southwest region this last weekend and I had the above image entered into the show that ran alongside it. Although not an image I would have chosen (my teacher selected it) its still pretty cool to think about all of the amazing artists who were able to see my work. Yay for me

Blame it on the Hormones

I can't remember how many times I've started a new post just to get halfway through and realize nobody cares anything about what I'm writing. But this time I'm forcing myself to finish, I guess just to document our (or my) point in time.

If someone would have asked me five years ago if I would want to be where I am right now I would have laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. However, being here now I wouldn't give it up for anything. I don't like Santa Fe, not even a little bit, I try to find anything I can like about it and the only thing I have is that I have found a friend. I like her but I still don't like Santa Fe anymore than I originally did. But regardless of the horrible place I live, I have so many things that make it bearable. I have an amazing husband that does so much to take care of our little family and I am so incredibly proud of him and all that he has accomplished and all that he works to accomplish. I have an unbelievably awesome son, he is my world, he is more incredible than anything I could have imagined on my own. He makes me want to be a better person, he makes me smile, he makes me see all of the good things in life when I feel like there aren't any. I love that little snot, even when he makes me want to tear my hair out. I'm also blessed with a second child on the way. This has been a difficult situation for me to accept. I have people close to me struggling to start their family and here I am with my second child that I simply don't deserve and its extremely hard for me to deal with this fact. I've felt very disconnected with this pregnancy, sure that at any moment it will end because someone will realize that I don't deserve it. I try to remind myself of the old adage "life isn't fair" and that it goes both ways: you don't always get what you feel you deserve and sometimes you get what you feel you don't deserve. I wish I could say that it helps me but I still feel this incredible guilt over having something so precious that I shouldn't have and also a fear that it will all be taken away from me at any moment.

But enough of that. We had some hope of getting out of this place, there was an end in sight and it was nice to look forward to something and plan for that but now its really hazy. We might end up being here longer than we had hoped and although that is nearly devastating it would also be great for Luke's career so there is something positive in it that we need to focus on. Its frustrating because we want to put down some roots to raise our family and neither of us wants to do that here but at the same time we need to look at the big picture and do what will be best in the long run. I know that no matter what happens we'll be ok, we focus on working through things together and as long as we have each other its all worth it.

As much as we miss all of our amazing family we know that they're still there for us even if we can't be with them. Its still a comfort to know that we could go and visit and be welcomed with open arms at any time. I love all of my family and hopefully one day we can be close together again. There is so much to look forward to in the future that it will get us through any rough times in the present.

So enough of all this. I have too many emotions and thoughts running through my head to sort any of it out any further. I'm not going to make any more promises that I will keep up on posts because I know it won't happen but I will promise to post more interesting and/or happy posts.

More on the Smoke

Being that it NEVER stops blowing around here, there were the rare occasions that it actually worked in our favor and blew the smoke out for a short period of time. Unfortunately it shortly returned, here it is creeping up on us

Smoke Signals

Santa Fe - such a sucky place that the entire state of Arizona is trying to suffocate us.

Last week I had plans to take Carter to the park for a play date, it fell through but I decided to take him anyway. When we got outside I noticed that the sky looked murky but being a native from Salt Lake I didn't think much of it, figuring it to be an inversion. (To be completely honest I never actually knew what that meant, just that when the sky looked gross you blamed it on "the inversion"). When we got to the park and walked up to the playground I noticed the entire thing was covered in a not-so-thin layer of what I thought at the time to be dirt. Shortly after arriving, an older man riding a bicycle, and coughing up what sounded to be his left lung, asked me if I heard about the air quality warning issued on the radio. It took about 15 seconds for my mind to fearfully process what that could possibly mean and I promptly picked up Carter, went down the nearest slide and drug him kicking and screaming to the car. We drove home smelling like a campfire and my heart silently went out to the snorting/hacking older gentlemen who so valiantly put his life on the line to inform the completely-unaware-of-what-is-going-on-in-the-world moms such as I. Thus being my introduction to the wildfire smoke that Arizona was sending our way.

On a more positive note - Carter is FINALLY sleeping through 3 out of 4 nights.

Playing with Light

Michelle has been taking some photography classes and sometimes they can be fun. Here are some shots for an assignment she had a couple weeks ago.

More Pics

Just a couple more pics to share